An analogy.. a path.

It is hard to accept something is wrong.. especially when you feel like you have already addressed the issue... but knowing deep down that you didn't actually deal with the problem. you did what you always do. which is sweep it under the rug. by doing that it usually just gets worse and just collects and builds up.. I am an admitted people pleaser. I talk a tough line but really I will always care. I am rarely the one to walk away. but I do know when to..most of the time.. and do.. most of the time. My relationships have really gone...well downhill. one in particular.. here is something about me.. i will do ANYTHING for a friend. especially a best friend or sister. I do my VERY best to lift people up.. to a higher plane.. to a safe place.

I used to be in a safe place to lift people up to.. but slowly I have sunk. in my mind i am imagining a field. There I am at the top of a hole, where i see my very best friend down in the hole crying for help. I, reach down and I have tools and all these skills to help them out. they get up the chute a little bit and we are both hopeful.. I have much joy in helping them out of this dire situation. And they are happy too! We both appear to be making progress.. but little do we both know.. i am slowly sinking down too.. and we are trying to help each other but we are not making a whole lot of progress.. We tell each other we are getting better.. but as everyone else sees.. we are sinking.. it is not until recently that i realize i am down.. deep to where i feel i am not in the position to help my friend get out.. i have been at this place for a while.. i have ignored it and i have exerted all my strength and reservoirs to help my friend.. to the point that i have nothing left.. absolutely nothing.. I cannot help them.. i can't even help myself.. i am  been sucked dry of everything...nothing and i mean absolutely nothing is left..

Tongue parasite.. it takes all the fishes food

Do you remember biology? do you remember the natural relationships that you learned? They are broken down into three main categories. Mutualism, commmensalism, and parasitism.. Mutalism is a relationship where both are benefiting..it is equal. Like in Finding Nemo.. the anemone and the clown fish are benefited. :) Commensalism is where one is benefiting and the other does not feel the effects of the other getting gain.. they are left unaffected.Parasitism is how is sounds.. like parasites.. where one is benefited and the other is negatively affected. I feel my relationship has gone through all of these relationships.. it has evolved.. even to the point where the relationship is where two parasites are trying to well be parasitic.. to each other.. obviously that does not have a happy ending.. so here i am.. one parasite.. realizing i cannot get my benefits here. I now i detaching for a bit so that i can evolve.. fill up.. and build up.. so I can be in a better place.. to help others but.. most importantly.. so i can be happy.

I have to put first things first.