An analogy.. a path.

It is hard to accept something is wrong.. especially when you feel like you have already addressed the issue... but knowing deep down that you didn't actually deal with the problem. you did what you always do. which is sweep it under the rug. by doing that it usually just gets worse and just collects and builds up.. I am an admitted people pleaser. I talk a tough line but really I will always care. I am rarely the one to walk away. but I do know when to..most of the time.. and do.. most of the time. My relationships have really gone...well downhill. one in particular.. here is something about me.. i will do ANYTHING for a friend. especially a best friend or sister. I do my VERY best to lift people up.. to a higher plane.. to a safe place.

I used to be in a safe place to lift people up to.. but slowly I have sunk. in my mind i am imagining a field. There I am at the top of a hole, where i see my very best friend down in the hole crying for help. I, reach down and I have tools and all these skills to help them out. they get up the chute a little bit and we are both hopeful.. I have much joy in helping them out of this dire situation. And they are happy too! We both appear to be making progress.. but little do we both know.. i am slowly sinking down too.. and we are trying to help each other but we are not making a whole lot of progress.. We tell each other we are getting better.. but as everyone else sees.. we are sinking.. it is not until recently that i realize i am down.. deep to where i feel i am not in the position to help my friend get out.. i have been at this place for a while.. i have ignored it and i have exerted all my strength and reservoirs to help my friend.. to the point that i have nothing left.. absolutely nothing.. I cannot help them.. i can't even help myself.. i am  been sucked dry of everything...nothing and i mean absolutely nothing is left..

Tongue parasite.. it takes all the fishes food

Do you remember biology? do you remember the natural relationships that you learned? They are broken down into three main categories. Mutualism, commmensalism, and parasitism.. Mutalism is a relationship where both are benefiting..it is equal. Like in Finding Nemo.. the anemone and the clown fish are benefited. :) Commensalism is where one is benefiting and the other does not feel the effects of the other getting gain.. they are left unaffected.Parasitism is how is sounds.. like parasites.. where one is benefited and the other is negatively affected. I feel my relationship has gone through all of these relationships.. it has evolved.. even to the point where the relationship is where two parasites are trying to well be parasitic.. to each other.. obviously that does not have a happy ending.. so here i am.. one parasite.. realizing i cannot get my benefits here. I now i detaching for a bit so that i can evolve.. fill up.. and build up.. so I can be in a better place.. to help others but.. most importantly.. so i can be happy.

I have to put first things first.

AND THATS AN UPDATE

So I realized i know how to type.. and i could use that skill to benefit myself and others by... updating this blog. :) This update is going to be kind of all over the place... I will bullet point the major ideas though.
Christmas
Family
Ward
Job
Future plans
What I am up to now

Now that i am listing it out.. it looks very random.. but hey! isn't this a way for you all to see how i am doing without actually talking to me?! eh? yes.

Well Christmas and New Years was great! i love my family and friends! While here Dave and Krista showed us how to play Settlers of Catan..it is an addicting and fun game! : )

They love it so much that they dressed up as part of the board for Halloween! :)

So now i love it! :)  i really do love my sister in law Krista she is hilarious and fun.. and she bosses me around and helps me realize what i need to be doing.. :)

I love the Singles ward! i just barely transfered my records over like last week... i thought they were already in the ward... haha oops! it is loads of fun! and the people are now wonderful friends!  Just last night for FHE we played soccer ( with a  nerf ball.. so that was kind of lame) but we just went with it and had fun anyways! I was the goalie... lets just say the game was very very slow so i had time to do some yoga while i waited for the ball to come over..
Mainly just did the tree pose.. which looks like this for those of you who aren't yoga masters like me ;) haha

Before FHE ,Megan, Chris (new friend) , and i went and got sushi! I had never actually had sushi  soo it was awesome! We went to Shegais (Shee-gays) and it was delish! :) man i realize i need to start taking pictures so that you guys actually believe me. :)

I decided to participate in a half marathon in May.. so i am going to start training for that this week. use my Nike+ band. :)

I work at Vanity.. its a clothing store. :) It is fun! i love to help people! annd we have cute clothes. :)

My plans are dependent on if i get a very well paying job here in Boise.. If i do i stay here and transfer schools to Boise State.  if not then i go to BYU-I and then transfer to BSU,, either way i end up here.. :)
well thats all i can think to write about.. :)

uh hello. soo UPDATE on my ticket. I went and fought it! especially because i found the ticket QUITE ridiculous.. I got a pretrial court date for this past Thursday, December 8th. and i spoke to the prosecutor lady and she was nice. She said that since i do not have prior criminal activity and i am under 25 i can take a free course, Alive at 25, and come back and show proof  that i have completed it and they will dismiss my ticket. :) SO WOO!  i think it is going to be a pretty cheese tastic (causious=cheese like)..but its ok .. its worth four hours of my life. :) a good trade off for a 85 dollar ticket.  :) uh.. so i love life.  and i am making life changing decisions. :) AH! i love meggers. :)

Fall fall oh fall time.

Ok.. Hello! thought i should check in! :) Halloween was fun times! Megan dressed as a pirate and i as i pirate.. how stereotypical.. obviously we are not imaginative in the ideas of costumes but mine did take creativity to pull it together. since i decided what i was going to be like an hour before this was taken. :P Well i have to be honest here. November is probably one of my favorite months.. I LOVE it. I love that it hasn't hit the INTENSE cold and snow that is December and onward months. You   can drink apple cider and hot chocolate. You snuggle under fuzzy blankets by a fire. You EAT rich and glorious foods. I love the leaves falling and creating beautiful piles of happyness. :)

There is a slight downside to this joyous season. The cold often creates a low mood in people. I admit that sometimes i too suffer from this change of season blues. BUT i can't help but smile and laugh when i see the glorious and beautiful world that HF has created for me. YES i do become VERY aware of the many trials and obstacles that is my pack to bear and become stronger by.. and it is hard to keep the higher view of these hardships.. I know that I immediately focus on why me?! why now?! why oh why oh why?!  BUT If i contemplate and meditate I do come to the view that there is a reason and purpose. I must do what i can and all i know and leave the rest to time and patience.

I admit that i can be doing better in my life... I WILL conquer! I am a woman and i am tough.. I can deal with what comes my way.. as long as i orient myself i can figure it out and i WILL become stronger.
<3

On a lighter note

Since the last post was on a bummer note. this one can be a bit more funny.  :) SO Megs and i went to FHE tonight and bought cuppy cakes! :) darn! forgot to take a picture.. don't worry they weren't anything ultra spectacular. like the one below.. rather it was just white cake with chocolate frosting. :)

So that's what the cuppy cakes were about. :) The carnival was semi-lame but the highlight of the evening for me was the "mud eating" contest. Basically it is just chocolate pudding with gummy worms in it. What you do is that you are blind folded and you are feeding the "mud" to your blindfolded partner. Well some of the girls decided to have a race.. and naturally Megan had to join in on the fun. :) SO our strategy was to just get the cups emptied as fast as possible. :) Well Megan got a couple spoonfuls into my mouth.. whereas i just mainly got it everywhere on her face.. haha what do you expect? Pictures to come.. since people thought it was hilairious.. and declared us the winners... once i get them from peoples. :) but it was quite hilarious.. and man were we trashed.. haha (its funny because we were wearing trash bags.) 

Safe to say our presence is now known int he singles ward. 

Another funny story of the day. 

So Meg and I are frosting the cupcakes and the doorbell rings. So Megan answers it and it is the Dish network guy.. Well us being us ,we chat him up.

 Megan, when she answers the door tells him she doesn't live here. and Then once i come to the door says " oh they want dish.. that way i can come over and watch it.. that's how we became friends.. I would just come over and watch TV.. then they got rid of it so then i had to like Jen for her personality.. "

Dish guys response " Oh. well it seems you guys have really awesome personalities" 

Us: Thanks! :) 

Dish guy: " Are your parents home? "

 Me: oh yeah.. :) ..

 and that's the end of the excitement of that story. : ) haha  

Favorite Megan quotes of the day : Does he have an engagement ring? Me: he is married he has a wedding ring.. Meg: HAHA oh yeah.. whoops. 

Jen: Oh the cupcakes are falling off.. :(

Megan: of course!.. you brake like of Nazi.

Jen: Nazis don't brake

Megan: They "brake" jewish hearts!!

Really! Douche bag ?! you don't have anything better to do?!

So i dislike Police Officers.. They are mean and rude and they have a seniority complex. They think that they rule the streets and also what they say is law.  STUPID! Really i believe that the Boise Police Department gives out awards for the officer to give out the most tickets before noon. As a result of this, many idiotic tickets are given out. for example; Foggy windows, following too closely, etc. REALLY?!?! do they have no life that they must ruin everyone elses?!

I received a ticket this morning,.. 

A horrible motorcycle cop decided that since he doesn't have anything better to do and he REALLY wants that award that he is going to pull over this nice girl in the Ford Taurus, who, he claims, was following the car in front of her a little too close. So now i have a ticket. 

I am SO furious! He was blabbing on and on about how because i was following so closely that if the car in front of me slammed their breaks i would run into them. I almost wanted to say  to him "well you know what?! i have gotten in a car crash when i ran into the back of someone, so i know how to swerve, i also know how to not hit people." but really... is that going to help?

Answer: No. 

So now i owe 85 dollars... dumb.. If any of you want to help me and love me donations are gladly accepted! ;) 

love.love.love

i love love love love love love love love love.. L.O.V.E. fall and winter. I just love wearing jackets and coats. Love snuggling up, and blankets. gotta love warmth. i love the colors ,the smells, the food, it is just beautiful! how could you not love to look at this?! and sipping on hot chocolate or warm apple cider.. mmm yum.

I love it. :)  Gotta have my hot chocolate! Best if it is from Moxie Java! Here is a picture of Meg and I after having an awesome Moxie sesh. :) Haunted hot cocoa.. yummmmm. :) Well this has random thoughts with Jen. :) join us next time. :)